Thursday, 17 May 2012

Kent Police launch Operation ArrestPaulCarter

Speaking from Maidstone Chief Constable Learmonth said: “We are determined to catch this Paul Carter criminal. Not the KCC maintenance bloke what done a runner with 20 grand, but Paul Carter the KCC Leader. Whether it’s Infratil and the noise monitors or Thor or investing in tobacco he has killed more Kent citizens than Hitler.” Kent Police are liaising with colleagues in the Met, Sussex Police, New Zealand Police and Interpol as part of Operation ArrestPaulCarter. Paul Carter drives a Jag with some wellies in the boot and known accomplices include Wild and King along with Terry Farrell, Charles Buchanan, Steve Fitzgerald, Matt Clarke, and the usual KCC Highways Tarmac Gang of Murphy, Jacobs, Balfour and Beatty. Deputy Chief Constable Beautridge said: ”Carter has been sighted near the fifth Dartford Crossing, Manston Parkway, a Gatwick Parkway and not one but two regional airports on the rates. Along with various ticky-tacky housing estates, a highway a byway, an underpass and an overpass. And several schools with asbestos from the 1970’s. He is involved with gunrunning and may have left the country with Infratil or Cargolux on the last unmarked 747 from Manston while we’re risking our lives raiding drug dens.” The public are warned not to approach Carter and his Gang as they are dangerously incompetent and they could end up with their driveway badly tarmaced whether they want it or not, with demands for council tax, business rates, civil service bloat and 0% salary fraud. Chief Constable Learmonth added: “I have got my eye on McGonigal, Button, Sproates and Pierce. And the senior KCC Directors what done it too. And I ain't forgot the Gang of Four neither. The other Paul Carter is believed to be in the Ukraine, which is a bit better maintained, and down the nick we all think he should be knighted in the New Years Honours List and pensioned off to the SirRogerGale Retirement Home for Pillocks.” Kent Coastguard refused to comment as to whether Carter was hiding on a ship in the Channel as they thought they’d leave it to the RNLI to do their job for them. Laura Sandys MP promised to urgently enquire into the possibility of cleaning up Manston and Thor by saying little and doing less.

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